Without You
by Creatureofthedark
Summary: How am I going to tell him? How are we going to go on? After all we've been through, how could it end like this? A oneshot.


**I realized after a few reviews that info on who it was would be good. sorry. it's my character Lee. she's in the others but the most you could use to find out what she's like/who she is would be "You won't be lonely" haha. sorry again.**

**Without You**

I remember one time when I watched this same light play the same shadows over your face. Ten years ago. When you were sick. After I had switched places with one of the others. You are still just as beautiful. If not more so. But this time isn't the same. It's worse. With every beat of your heart, you're getting closer and closer to death. And there's nothing any of us can do about it.

It was a routine battle. A run-in, defeat, and retreat. But it didn't happen that way this time. It just takes one perfect strike to take even the best down. And this time it was you. Of course it was you. It couldn't be me. It just had to be the more fragile. Though you were never the real fragile type. You've been through a lot. Fragile isn't the word I'd use to describe you.

But I never thought we wouldn't be able to help you. That _Don_ wouldn't be able to help you. I had hoped he wasn't right. Just this once. That he had made some mistake. But he was right again. After all we've been through, we can't do anything to help you now. And I can't help but wonder… What now?

What will we do without you? Without your laugh, your smile, your presence? We can't just go back to how it was before you came. It's impossible. There'd be a gap in the system. It's like losing Splinter all over again. But differently. This time, we'd be losing a sister. A fellow fighter. A wife.

It's funny to think that. You aren't someone who would ever deserve any of us. And I would never take you for one to settle down. But I guess there's someone for everyone. And I wouldn't really call it settling down. We couldn't ever keep you down. It was impossible. And to see your breathing becoming shallower... I can't stand it.

You were always there. When I would become overbearing and protective. You were there. When I would lose my temper. You were there. When I would get fed up. You were there. You were always there for all of us. But we can't help you now. And I feel as if we're somehow betraying you. That in not helping you, we're letting you down. And that thought makes me feel even more helpless. I'm not used to feeling helpless.

I never thought that Don wouldn't be able to help you. But the one thing we had is gone. The one way we would always be able to save you. Don ended up being right again. In using the healer too much, your body got used to it. You're immune to it now. It doesn't help you. So that leaves you here. Breaths becoming shallow and heart slowing down.

And I can't help but wonder... why? Why you? Why did the guys always go for you? More unprotected than us? I don't know. And I hate them for it. I lost it for the first time in a long time you know. I snapped. I'm... ashamed of myself. They're dead. All of them. No life was spared. Blood was left all over. It was a gory sight. And we were coverd in it. But though I had equal help from the others, I still feel as if it was my fault. I started it.

I could have just left. I could have just grabbed you and left, bringing the others with me. But I didn't. Hurting you couldn't go unpunished. That's why I'm here hurt too. But that's okay. Because you're worse. You're dieing. I'm not. And I can't help you.

That's what it all comes down to isn't it? That eventually our time runs out. But why so soon? At twenty-six years old. That's ridiculous. Though I knew that the life we live has its dangers, I never thought of any of us really dieing. Because I don't like to think about it. Being down one. It doesn't fit right. When one of us is gone, there will be a gap. And nothing will be the same. But it just has to be you, doesn't it?

No. It could have been someone else. But I'd still be thinking the same thing. I guess no matter who it was, there's no way to win. Though if one of _us_ was hurt this bad, the stuff would have worked. Being already mutated, we can't become immune to the healer. We'd be okay. That's what Don says anyway. But you've become immune.

Your eyes flicker open now. I cringe, knowing the hope that just sprang up is useless. You turn to me, barely holding on. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

I let a slight smile take over my face. Of course you'd be worried about one of us when you're dieing. That's how it's always been. I fight to keep the tears in my eyes from showing. "Yeah. He's okay. He'll be fine."

The small light of panic in your eyes disappears and you let your eyes close, exhaustion finally winning over. "Okay."

That's it. That's all you say. You know you're dieing. But you're okay with it. Because you saved him. You don't care to die because you saved _him _from dieing. Though he hasn't woken up yet, he'll be just fine. Until he finds out what you did.

I take your hand now and I feel you try to squeeze mine, though it only comes out as a small touch. My heart plummets. Here it comes. You're finally giving in. The tears in my eyes finally flow over. Your eyes open again and you look me in the eye as I move my hand up and stroke your cheek.

"Tell him I love him."

I nod. That's all I can do. Nod. And you smile at me.

"It'll be okay."

Your voice is barely a whisper. But you still find enough strength to turn you head and kiss the palm of my hand. I clench my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut. I let my head fall to the bed.

"It'll be okay."

I nod slightly to appease you. But it doesn't work.

"Trust me one last time."

I flinch at the last three words. But I lift my head and nod again, letting my tears show. "Okay."

"Okay?"

I keep nodding. "Okay."

You smile again as you let your eyes close for the last time. "Tell him."

"I will." I promise. I am barely aware of someone walking up and stopping in the doorway.

"I love you." I can hardly make it out, your voice is so quiet.

"I love you too," I choke out.

I watch as you take two more breaths. Five more. The smile on your face fades as a tranquil look takes it over. Eight more. Slower and slower each time. Ten more. It comes out in rasps. Eleven. A harsh intake as it slows. Twelve. It stops. No more.

An agonizing sob rips through my body after a few seconds of waiting with a vain hope that you'll breathe again. I grip the sheets and burry my head in them as I cry. I hear one of my brothers come up behind me. As their arms go around me, I don't turn to them, but grip their hand in an attempt to hold on to reality.

"It's okay bro. It's okay." Mikey. Mikey's the one comforting _me_? It's never been that way. Always the other way around.

"What am I going to do Mikey?" Did I just ask him that?

"_We_ are gonna tell him. Not just you. All of us. And we're going to be there for him when he goes berserk."

I smile at the way he's still trying to keep it light even though his voice is shaking. I finally compose myself and turn to him. I see tears in his blue yes and pull him into a hug, giving him _his_ chance to cry. His arms go around me, tightening to an almost painful extent.

We stay that way for a long time. When we finally stop enough to stand, we move quietly to Don's room. After crying, the numb feeling is starting to settle in. I have to fight to keep my mind on telling him.

We go into Don's room to see him sitting on the floor by the bed with our other brother in it. He's hugging his knees and has his head laying on them. When we walk in, he lifts his head slightly and chokes out an "I know."

Mikey and I go in and sit next to him, one on either side, each having an arm around him. We sit there in silence for a long time. I don't know how long. I've finally let the numb feeling set in, and I know that's where Don and Mikey are. But I eventually get enough strength to turn to them and keep my voice steady.

"How are we going to tell him?"

Don lifts his head up from leaning on the wall behind him as he opens his eyes. He turns to me, most likely mirroring my own face of sadness. "I don't know."

I turn to the bed beside me. My third brother lays there, not knowing that our fifth member is gone. And I and the two beside me are all wondering the same thing.

How are we going to tell Raphael?


End file.
